I would love to be a writer. I have stories crawl through my head all the time. I have pictures in my head and I can here how the characters sound. I just can't get it to sound right when I try to write. It sounds flat and my descriptions don't do what's in my head justice.
I have always had an active imagination. I first remember making up stories and characters when I was in first grade. I would finish my work and apparently I would disturb others so my teacher had me go to the closet. I created the greatest stories ever in there. Ever since then I have had stories in my system. I have tried many times to write them down but they just don't happen on paper. I won't be able to write about vampires or wizards or cow dogs and such. Those aren't things that I can relate to or want to write about.
I wish I could take video tape of my brain so that I could replay it and write the stories that are in there down. I would love to finally get it right and that means taking a chance again. Maybe I will. Who knows.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
My grandparents
I absolutely loved my grandmother and my granddaddy. They were such a huge part of my upbringing. I remember when I would get sick, I would go stay with my grandparents. My grandmother would make up the sofa bed so that I could lay down and watch Sesame Street, Electric Company, and Captain Kangaroo. Once these shows were over then if I was feeling a bit better she would make the sofa back up again and I would lay on the sofa the rest of the day.
Now my grandmother was not a huge TV watcher but every day at 1230pm right after the noon day news, As the World Turns came on. Everything in the house came to a stop so that my grandmother could watch that show. It was on for an hour and she would stop what she was doing, watch the show, and crochet. Other than Lawrence Welk on Saturday evenings I don't recall her watching TV. She is the one who taught me to play piano. I remember she would go every other Saturday to the Lechinstein's department store in downtown Corpus to get her hair done. While she did that we all hung out in the mezzanine area watching people. I loved those days.
My granddaddy did a lot but I am not too sure what all he did now that I think about it. I know he read a lot and he studied on things that interested him. At one time he was Pre-Med and at another time he was Pre-Law. He was retired when I was born. I know that he spent a lot of time with me. He was my true blue hero the day the trantula incident happened. He never thought my questions or stories were stupid. About the only time I ever saw him mad was the day it snowed (I was 5) and I built my snowman against his metal garage door. It refroze and he couldn't get into the garage where his car was. He had an appointment and had to call and reschedule because of the snowman. He encouraged me to go down my own path and to be independent but not too independent.
Why am I writing about them now? Thanksgiving and Christmas are hard holidays for me. I love them both and I get excited about them but at the same time I struggle with them. Growing up, these holidays were low key and proper. The first time I celebrated these holidays with Jeff's family, I almost went into shock. Every year, I get excited and am determined that this will be the year I make it through without the blahs setting in. Every year I find myself wishing I had my grandparents there one more time. Maybe by writing about them, it will help.
I will probably write more memories about them over the next few months. I might even write about the trantula story.
Now my grandmother was not a huge TV watcher but every day at 1230pm right after the noon day news, As the World Turns came on. Everything in the house came to a stop so that my grandmother could watch that show. It was on for an hour and she would stop what she was doing, watch the show, and crochet. Other than Lawrence Welk on Saturday evenings I don't recall her watching TV. She is the one who taught me to play piano. I remember she would go every other Saturday to the Lechinstein's department store in downtown Corpus to get her hair done. While she did that we all hung out in the mezzanine area watching people. I loved those days.
My granddaddy did a lot but I am not too sure what all he did now that I think about it. I know he read a lot and he studied on things that interested him. At one time he was Pre-Med and at another time he was Pre-Law. He was retired when I was born. I know that he spent a lot of time with me. He was my true blue hero the day the trantula incident happened. He never thought my questions or stories were stupid. About the only time I ever saw him mad was the day it snowed (I was 5) and I built my snowman against his metal garage door. It refroze and he couldn't get into the garage where his car was. He had an appointment and had to call and reschedule because of the snowman. He encouraged me to go down my own path and to be independent but not too independent.
Why am I writing about them now? Thanksgiving and Christmas are hard holidays for me. I love them both and I get excited about them but at the same time I struggle with them. Growing up, these holidays were low key and proper. The first time I celebrated these holidays with Jeff's family, I almost went into shock. Every year, I get excited and am determined that this will be the year I make it through without the blahs setting in. Every year I find myself wishing I had my grandparents there one more time. Maybe by writing about them, it will help.
I will probably write more memories about them over the next few months. I might even write about the trantula story.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Announcement Update
I have made a dent. Two large bags for Goodwill, school supply box gone through and organized, magazines gone through and boxed up, sheets and blankets put away. Now to get all the clothes and shoes where they belong. Then to tackle the books and ironing. I am making progress even if it doesn't look like it.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Announcement
I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.
I am going to clean my house this weekend. Totally and completely. Don't go into shock. Just know that I will conquer this feat. I am determined. I think. Maybe.
I am going to clean my house this weekend. Totally and completely. Don't go into shock. Just know that I will conquer this feat. I am determined. I think. Maybe.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
I Love My Job
As the song says, "Let's start at the very beginning. A very good place to start......"
When I was growing up I was surrounded by educators. My granddaddy was a principal/superintendent, my grandmother taught Spanish for a while, and my mom was/is a teacher. I think for the first few years of my life I thought that there were only two things you did in the world. Teach and work in the oil field. (Guess where my daddy worked?) Anyway, as I proceeded to get older, I heard people constantly tell me that I was going to be just like the rest of the family and be a teacher.
If you know even remotely know something about me, it is this. I do not like people telling me what I will and won't do with my life. So like the good rebellious child that I was, I turned my back on the education world. There was no way, no how that I was going to be a teacher. I did tell several people that I was going to work with kids but in my brain, I was going to be a counselor who made kids better mentally. I taught day care kids during the summer time and really liked it but I was not going to be a teacher.
I majored in Psychology/Social Work and interned to become a juvenile probation officer. I had a job lined up for when I graduated and I thought I was set to go. Unfortunately, the day I graduated college I was told that I didn't have the right degree and no job. Well. I floundered around for a while and after a bit I ended up substituting at Grandview and Maypearl. I found that I liked the different levels I got to teach at. Not long after I got married, I went to work at Grandview as an aide. (My hat is off to those people who do that job. Without them I think the school might fall down.) I knew I wanted to do something with my degree and eventually I was hired on at Presbyterian Children's Home in Itasca. I really did like my job there. I learned how to take extensive notes, discovered my obsession with forms, and worked with kids who needed help. After 5 years though, I was ready to stay home with my own kids and be a mom. Now at this point I need to say that I had not held a job more than 5 years. I tend to get bored and want a change of scenery, challenge, whatever you want to call it.
That went well for a while even though we were broke beyond broke. Finally, God decided He was done with my plan and it was time for Him to step in. Barbara Truby called one day and offered me a job. I prayed about, talked it over with Jeff and accepted a teaching position that was suppose to last one year. The minute school was out and I thought about looking for a job, Barbara called again but this time with the name of a certification program. I was hooked. I went in to talk with the people and within a year was certified to teach.
That first teaching job was 10 years ago. I thought about that today. I have held this job for 10 years. I haven't taught the same grade level or subject over the last 10 years. I have taught 1st grade, 4th grade, 6th grade, and special ed. I have learned that I am not cut out for the little guys and that I love the underdogs.
I love my job. I love being able to label everything, playing games with the kids, finding that right thing that makes a kid have a light bulb moment. I know that a lot of teachers say they never see the fruits of their labor until many years later but I know I have made a difference when the kids actually "get" what I am teaching or when they walk out of class talking about what I taught that day.
Darn it!!! All those people who told me that I would be a teacher when I grew up knew what they were talking about. Actually, I am kind of glad otherwise I would think I was just born to be bossy and in charge all the time.
When I was growing up I was surrounded by educators. My granddaddy was a principal/superintendent, my grandmother taught Spanish for a while, and my mom was/is a teacher. I think for the first few years of my life I thought that there were only two things you did in the world. Teach and work in the oil field. (Guess where my daddy worked?) Anyway, as I proceeded to get older, I heard people constantly tell me that I was going to be just like the rest of the family and be a teacher.
If you know even remotely know something about me, it is this. I do not like people telling me what I will and won't do with my life. So like the good rebellious child that I was, I turned my back on the education world. There was no way, no how that I was going to be a teacher. I did tell several people that I was going to work with kids but in my brain, I was going to be a counselor who made kids better mentally. I taught day care kids during the summer time and really liked it but I was not going to be a teacher.
I majored in Psychology/Social Work and interned to become a juvenile probation officer. I had a job lined up for when I graduated and I thought I was set to go. Unfortunately, the day I graduated college I was told that I didn't have the right degree and no job. Well. I floundered around for a while and after a bit I ended up substituting at Grandview and Maypearl. I found that I liked the different levels I got to teach at. Not long after I got married, I went to work at Grandview as an aide. (My hat is off to those people who do that job. Without them I think the school might fall down.) I knew I wanted to do something with my degree and eventually I was hired on at Presbyterian Children's Home in Itasca. I really did like my job there. I learned how to take extensive notes, discovered my obsession with forms, and worked with kids who needed help. After 5 years though, I was ready to stay home with my own kids and be a mom. Now at this point I need to say that I had not held a job more than 5 years. I tend to get bored and want a change of scenery, challenge, whatever you want to call it.
That went well for a while even though we were broke beyond broke. Finally, God decided He was done with my plan and it was time for Him to step in. Barbara Truby called one day and offered me a job. I prayed about, talked it over with Jeff and accepted a teaching position that was suppose to last one year. The minute school was out and I thought about looking for a job, Barbara called again but this time with the name of a certification program. I was hooked. I went in to talk with the people and within a year was certified to teach.
That first teaching job was 10 years ago. I thought about that today. I have held this job for 10 years. I haven't taught the same grade level or subject over the last 10 years. I have taught 1st grade, 4th grade, 6th grade, and special ed. I have learned that I am not cut out for the little guys and that I love the underdogs.
I love my job. I love being able to label everything, playing games with the kids, finding that right thing that makes a kid have a light bulb moment. I know that a lot of teachers say they never see the fruits of their labor until many years later but I know I have made a difference when the kids actually "get" what I am teaching or when they walk out of class talking about what I taught that day.
Darn it!!! All those people who told me that I would be a teacher when I grew up knew what they were talking about. Actually, I am kind of glad otherwise I would think I was just born to be bossy and in charge all the time.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Dreamin'
Lately I have been doing some thinking. I know what some of you are thinking--"Is that what all the squeaking was"? HAHA. Anyway, like I said, I have been thinking. There are several things that I have been wondering about and dreaming about.
First let me tell you about this dream. I dreamed that I was able to do anything I wanted because I had unlimited funds. (I always have unlimited funds in my dreams. It is a happy dream and just that--a dream.) I am not sure where Jeff and the boys are but they aren't around. I decide that I am going to go out on my own. I go to Idaho and find the most remote part of land that I can. Then I fly in a crew who builds me a house (think Little House on the Prairie house) that is equipped with solar panels and a windmill and a back up generator. The house also has a fireplace and the wonderful builders chop enough wood for the winter. It also has a water well. It is a house of comfort without being on the grid. I then fly in furniture, enough food supplies for several months, and I move in. I have a satellite phone and computer so that if there is a point where I want to communicate I can. I am set. Winter moves in and I am comfy with my homemade quilts and all. I make a schedule and follow it. I bake, sew, make rugs, quilt, and draw. (I said it was a dream!) I make it through the winter despite what everyone thinks. It is wonderful. When I wake up from this dream, I am at peace.
There is a piece of me that wishes I could do this. It is basically called running away. I would like to run away sometimes. When the pressure of work, finances, home, and all start building up, I think about my dream spot or in other words, I run away in my brain. I guess this sounds stupid. I figure a lot of people will read this and think how selfish I am. I am not trying to be selfish but just trying to find a place that is all my own where no one else can knock on the door and invade. Where I can dream and be alone.
I am not sure that my family understands this. My husband has all day alone. He has to deal with some people but for the most part, he is alone. My kids have their alone time with their video games and college and all. I am around people all day, every day, except for 1 hour on Wednesday nights. (That is when my guys are gone and I stay home). I just want time alone without interruptions, etc. My husband likes me to be with him in the evenings so that is what I do. I have found that I stay up late at night because that is the only time in the day when there is no one around. Right now, I would like to take a vacation away from it all. Sleep til I wake up, go where I wanted to go, shop if I wanted to, go sightseeing if I wanted to, etc.
Don't get me wrong. I love my family and they are precious to me. I would miss them horribly if they weren't in my life but every once in a while...
Well, back to the real world and the reality of life. Gotta love it.
First let me tell you about this dream. I dreamed that I was able to do anything I wanted because I had unlimited funds. (I always have unlimited funds in my dreams. It is a happy dream and just that--a dream.) I am not sure where Jeff and the boys are but they aren't around. I decide that I am going to go out on my own. I go to Idaho and find the most remote part of land that I can. Then I fly in a crew who builds me a house (think Little House on the Prairie house) that is equipped with solar panels and a windmill and a back up generator. The house also has a fireplace and the wonderful builders chop enough wood for the winter. It also has a water well. It is a house of comfort without being on the grid. I then fly in furniture, enough food supplies for several months, and I move in. I have a satellite phone and computer so that if there is a point where I want to communicate I can. I am set. Winter moves in and I am comfy with my homemade quilts and all. I make a schedule and follow it. I bake, sew, make rugs, quilt, and draw. (I said it was a dream!) I make it through the winter despite what everyone thinks. It is wonderful. When I wake up from this dream, I am at peace.
There is a piece of me that wishes I could do this. It is basically called running away. I would like to run away sometimes. When the pressure of work, finances, home, and all start building up, I think about my dream spot or in other words, I run away in my brain. I guess this sounds stupid. I figure a lot of people will read this and think how selfish I am. I am not trying to be selfish but just trying to find a place that is all my own where no one else can knock on the door and invade. Where I can dream and be alone.
I am not sure that my family understands this. My husband has all day alone. He has to deal with some people but for the most part, he is alone. My kids have their alone time with their video games and college and all. I am around people all day, every day, except for 1 hour on Wednesday nights. (That is when my guys are gone and I stay home). I just want time alone without interruptions, etc. My husband likes me to be with him in the evenings so that is what I do. I have found that I stay up late at night because that is the only time in the day when there is no one around. Right now, I would like to take a vacation away from it all. Sleep til I wake up, go where I wanted to go, shop if I wanted to, go sightseeing if I wanted to, etc.
Don't get me wrong. I love my family and they are precious to me. I would miss them horribly if they weren't in my life but every once in a while...
Well, back to the real world and the reality of life. Gotta love it.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Significance
Let me preface this note by saying, that I am now a 43 year old woman and I am secure in my self. To my true blue buds, don't freak out-- I am just sharing tonight. That being said....
I feel insignificant. I look at my life and wonder did I make the right decisions? For instance, cutting my hair off--bad decision. Marrying my husband and having 3 of the smartest boys ever--good decision. Taking out credit cards at any time in my life--BAD decision. Skipping my senior year of high school--at the time, good decision. This could go on for a while...
Anyway, what has prompted this latest round of self examination is some pictures that friends are posting from high school, college, etc. There was a girl in school that I tried to be like because I thought that she was the perfect girl. I wanted to be just like her. I wanted to look like her (that wasn't going to happen because she was a size 4, beautiful hair, perfect smile, perfect wardrobe, etc). Try as I could I finally realized I was the hick to her beauty. She could sing, act, smile, flirt, was quiet, sweet, soft, and a southern belle kind of girl. She was always homecoming queen, Miss Congeniality, the high school beauty, (just my luck that we went to the same college so...)--the college beauty, the perfect teacher, probably the perfect wife and mother. I understand that even today, she is still a size 4 after having kids and is drop dead gorgeous. This comes from a guy's perspective though so I don't know. I wanted to be her. In my mind, I knew that someday I could achieve this goal. I have a picture of her for motivation to lose weight. Yeah...I think it actually motivated me to eat more.
In my mind, she has always been the perfect person.
She has always been the person that is like a thorn in your side because I can't be perfect like her. Even my mom wanted me to be more like her. Actually I think every mom wanted their daughter to be more like her. It frustrated me then and it frustrates me now that I can't be like her.
I want you to know that I have given it my best shot. I married my college sweetheart, she did too. I had no one except immediate family (my choice because I have a hot temper) and a homemade dress for my wedding, I am willing to bet that she had the blowout of the century style wedding with the most gorgeous dress. I had 3 handsome boys, she had 2 kids of her own. I moved to the country and small town, she stayed in the big city. I gained several many pounds, she actually lost weight.
I still love to act, though I don't much because...well..., I still make a joyful noise (sing), I still yell at the top of my lungs and talk loudly. I bake, laugh, and make some mean sweet tea. I play games with my friends, and have intense Mario party wars with my boys. I love the goofiest movies, classic television shows, and music. I am working on my photo taking abilities and developing a knack for crocheting scarves (it's all they taught me and that was an intense effort on my niece's part). I would like to think that I teach pretty well (although there are those people who would debate that) and I can't resist babies.
There are no fancy awards sitting around my house unless you consider my sons' trophies for sports, etc. and there is no Nobel prize of any kind around, no van Cliburn award anywhere, no Emmys or Oscars. No Grammys. I just have my marriage that has lasted almost 21 years, my 3 smart boys who have all skipped a grade throughout their academic career, and a peaceful, calm house in the country with a great view. Maybe there is no significance according to the world but I am thinking that I am more significant than I give myself credit for. Did I make the right choices, not always but there are some big ones that I am quite proud of.
I feel insignificant. I look at my life and wonder did I make the right decisions? For instance, cutting my hair off--bad decision. Marrying my husband and having 3 of the smartest boys ever--good decision. Taking out credit cards at any time in my life--BAD decision. Skipping my senior year of high school--at the time, good decision. This could go on for a while...
Anyway, what has prompted this latest round of self examination is some pictures that friends are posting from high school, college, etc. There was a girl in school that I tried to be like because I thought that she was the perfect girl. I wanted to be just like her. I wanted to look like her (that wasn't going to happen because she was a size 4, beautiful hair, perfect smile, perfect wardrobe, etc). Try as I could I finally realized I was the hick to her beauty. She could sing, act, smile, flirt, was quiet, sweet, soft, and a southern belle kind of girl. She was always homecoming queen, Miss Congeniality, the high school beauty, (just my luck that we went to the same college so...)--the college beauty, the perfect teacher, probably the perfect wife and mother. I understand that even today, she is still a size 4 after having kids and is drop dead gorgeous. This comes from a guy's perspective though so I don't know. I wanted to be her. In my mind, I knew that someday I could achieve this goal. I have a picture of her for motivation to lose weight. Yeah...I think it actually motivated me to eat more.
In my mind, she has always been the perfect person.
She has always been the person that is like a thorn in your side because I can't be perfect like her. Even my mom wanted me to be more like her. Actually I think every mom wanted their daughter to be more like her. It frustrated me then and it frustrates me now that I can't be like her.
I want you to know that I have given it my best shot. I married my college sweetheart, she did too. I had no one except immediate family (my choice because I have a hot temper) and a homemade dress for my wedding, I am willing to bet that she had the blowout of the century style wedding with the most gorgeous dress. I had 3 handsome boys, she had 2 kids of her own. I moved to the country and small town, she stayed in the big city. I gained several many pounds, she actually lost weight.
I still love to act, though I don't much because...well..., I still make a joyful noise (sing), I still yell at the top of my lungs and talk loudly. I bake, laugh, and make some mean sweet tea. I play games with my friends, and have intense Mario party wars with my boys. I love the goofiest movies, classic television shows, and music. I am working on my photo taking abilities and developing a knack for crocheting scarves (it's all they taught me and that was an intense effort on my niece's part). I would like to think that I teach pretty well (although there are those people who would debate that) and I can't resist babies.
There are no fancy awards sitting around my house unless you consider my sons' trophies for sports, etc. and there is no Nobel prize of any kind around, no van Cliburn award anywhere, no Emmys or Oscars. No Grammys. I just have my marriage that has lasted almost 21 years, my 3 smart boys who have all skipped a grade throughout their academic career, and a peaceful, calm house in the country with a great view. Maybe there is no significance according to the world but I am thinking that I am more significant than I give myself credit for. Did I make the right choices, not always but there are some big ones that I am quite proud of.
Friday, October 2, 2009
My Whiney Moments
I am going to take a minute and whine. "I have been sick." :( Okay. Now that I got that out of the way, I need to, as some people in the family would say, "suck it up cupcake." Jesse was kind enough to share a virus with me. It allowed me to get some much needed rest and some weight loss. I am happy to once again be able to be in the upright position without the side effects of the virus.
I did find out that my guys can somewhat survive without me in the picture. As long as there is the makings for Jambalaya and pizza and tots then they can make it for a couple of days without me in the picture. I posted on face book that I had a dream while I was sick. I dreamed that I was in bed sick and while I was sleeping, all the laundry was washed, folded, and put away, the house was cleaned better than it had ever been, and there was this pot of corn-crab chowder simmering on the stove. When I seriously woke up, I could almost smell the chowder cooking. But alas, a dream is just that....
I was scheduled to go visit my girl this weekend at SFA but after getting sick, I thought that I had better recoup completely first before tackling a 4 hour ride in the car. So, I will work on laundry and house cleaning instead. Maybe that is the point in me not going this weekend. Maybe I am suppose to stay home and get the things done that I have put off doing. Then again, I may rest.....sleep sounds so good right now.......
I did find out that my guys can somewhat survive without me in the picture. As long as there is the makings for Jambalaya and pizza and tots then they can make it for a couple of days without me in the picture. I posted on face book that I had a dream while I was sick. I dreamed that I was in bed sick and while I was sleeping, all the laundry was washed, folded, and put away, the house was cleaned better than it had ever been, and there was this pot of corn-crab chowder simmering on the stove. When I seriously woke up, I could almost smell the chowder cooking. But alas, a dream is just that....
I was scheduled to go visit my girl this weekend at SFA but after getting sick, I thought that I had better recoup completely first before tackling a 4 hour ride in the car. So, I will work on laundry and house cleaning instead. Maybe that is the point in me not going this weekend. Maybe I am suppose to stay home and get the things done that I have put off doing. Then again, I may rest.....sleep sounds so good right now.......
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