Learning Disabilities Thoughts

I have decided that there are some people in the world who really and truly don't know how to deal with kids who have learning disabilities. For all practical purposes these kids look normal, talk normal, and act normal. They do all that but for some reason in their brain, there is a glitch. Their mind has a little something that just doesn't quite get it. I have seen people treat these kids one of two ways. The first way is this--they treat the kids like the kids are being lazy and just not trying hard enough. This is the person that ticks me off. They don't take the time to stop and work with the kids to see if there is a way to figure out a solution or another way for the kids to learn that particular lesson. The other way is that people "dummy" everything down for the kids. There is a glitch, the kids are not stupid. "Dummying" things down isn't helping the kids, it actually hinders their ability to learn better. These people annoy me. Along this same line is the group of people that expect the "professionals" to take care of the kids and make sure that they get their modifications and such because these people aren't use to doing that kind of thing. They haven't had the "training" that the pros have had. Whatever!!
You see there are those people who really make the effort to work one on one and get into the kids' world to see if there is an alternative solution. These are the people that I applaud. They aren't afraid to try things more than once and they aren't afraid to really break things down until the lessons are learned. They will do whatever it takes to get the kids to really learn it all.
I guess I am sitting in judgement of people and I shouldn't do that. It just irks me though when people don't even try with learning disabled kids. These kids are as puzzled as the people who work with them about how to learn things. The kids get frustrated, nervous, agitated, and just plain mad because they cannot understand why they don't learn like everyone else. They know they are different and they know that they have problems. They don't need to be reminded constantly of that. They will grow up and hold productive jobs despite the people who "dummied" down the work thinking it would help them or the people who told them they were lazy.
I am willing to bet that you couldn't pick out most of the kids who have learning disabilities. There are those kids who are obviously disabled but what about the ones that don't look it, act like it, or show it?

Mental Chaos

I have to write about my thoughts and feelings because I learned this week that if I talk about what I am feeling and thinking then people get mad because they say I "do this every year" or they start talking about how I need to go get put on anti-depressants so that the yo-yo emotions will stop. I have so many thoughts going through my head and as a result my brain is in overload so I am not sleeping. I am worried about my high school son. He is going to be in Junior level classes this year. I thought he was a sophomore but apparently things are not as they seem. He is also in the marching band and in golf. He tends to be a perfectionist so I hope he does well with everything he is involved in this year. I am also worrying about my youngest who is starting 8th grade this year. I am hoping that this is the year he settles down and takes school seriously. He is a lot like the oldest child in that every thing is a social event and school is just another place to go and hang out with friends. I worry about my oldest. I did cry just as hard at leaving him as I did his first year. I think it was harder this year. I just hope that all my boys remember to study once in a while. Despite all my worrying, I am hoping for a good year this year. I am always apprehensive about it until I get going into a routine. I already know that the paperwork load is going to be outrageous until I get everything into the new system. I am just hoping that I don't forget all the training I just went through.
I found myself sliding back into some old habits that I thought I had gotten rid of. One was that I planned out my wardrobe for a complete six weeks. I have also taken to start putting my sock drawer back into ABC order according to color. I redid my skirts in my closet tonight and put them in ABC order by color. I did stop myself from putting my cookbooks in ABC order. I had to draw the line somewhere. I find that when I do this then it means that I stressing about something I have no control over. Well, let me tell you. I have plenty right now that falls into that category but it will stay buried and my closet will once again become alphabetized and organized. Organization can be a good thing.
I know that I am random in my thoughts this time but like I said earlier, my thoughts are everywhere but settled. I am praying for peace and sleep and for all of us to remain calm, cool, and collected in the midst of my mental chaos.

Fine Arts In Public School Discrimnation

Let me start by saying that I have all guys in my house so I like most sports. I am not anti-sports by any means. That being said...
At my children's school if you play sports then your uniform and all the accessories, extra t-shirts, socks, shoes, etc are part of the deal. This goes for football, basketball, baseball, softball, volleyball, power lifting, etc. Not so if you are in band.
If you are in band then you are required every year to pay anywhere from $50-$150 per person for uniforms, music, shoes, equipment rentals, mallets (in our case), holders for the music on the field, t-shirts, and misc. fees. I happen to have 2 children in band so my cost is double. I also happen to know that there will be children dropping from band because they can't afford the fees no matter what. It basically comes down to living or band for some of these kids and living tends to win every time. Now as a parent I am very frustrated about this. I personally don't have $100-$300 to just drop right now on this stuff. Not only that, they don't even get to keep what we pay for. On top of that we have to do this every single year.
Do people in athletics have to deal with this? No! Will they ever have to deal with this? No! I have been told that athletics is not the driving force in school but when you look at what they have to pay for and what other activities have to pay for well it sure looks like athletics is the driving force here.
I feel sorry for the kids who have the love and desire in their hearts to play in band or other activities only to have to give them up because of the expenses attached to them. Why can't the school pick up these expenses? They certainly have no problem picking up the athletic expenses. Why should other programs have to be placed on the back burner? More scholarships are given for music, art, etc. than for athletics. Yet, we literally have to pay for kids to develop their talents.
There are people out there that are going to disagree with me on so many levels and they are certainly entitled to their opinion just as I am to mine. My point is this, what is so dad-blasted special about athletics for it to be more important that other activities.
I will now be going to the band director and explaining that I do not have the money at this time for all the expenses and try to get him to allow us to pay it out. How sad that we are having to have payment plans for public high school activities that are non-athletic. I am not alone in this and I know that but I think it's time that someone stood up and said something.

Growing up is hard to do

My oldest son is leaving for college on Sunday. I thought this would get easier but instead I find it harder each time. It is like a piece of my heart and soul leave. I admit that there have been times when I wished he could go back early because he was being a smidgen difficult but in reality I really didn't want him to go at all.
Today I was hanging pictures in my room at school and talking with one of my friends. I had to stop hanging the pictures because I started to cry. She took over and did a beautiful job of hanging the pictures in a place where I could look at them all the time. I felt a little silly for crying but I realized that I am having to once again let go.
I know that we raise our kids with the final outcome being that of letting them grow up, be adults, live their own lives, develop their own family, etc. What no one bothers to tell moms is that in order to do that your heart will be ripped out and you will feel an emptiness. Hence the term "empty nest". Now my husband is looking forward to the day when all the kids are gone and a little piece of me is there as well but to get there....well, it is a hard road. I told my son today that I was sad to see him go because I liked having all my boys home. I like taking care of them and having them here. Yes, they fuss and argue and drive me insane (a very short journey) but all in all these boys and their daddy are my life.
I look at my other two boys and realize that in two years I will lose another one and a short two years after that I will lose the last one. I refuse to think about that right now.
I guess I don't really lose any of them but it sure does feel like it.

Faith of a Mustard Seed

The Bible talks about having faith the size of a mustard seed. If you have never seen a mustard seed then I suggest you look at them in the spice aisle the next time you are in a grocery store. They are tiny. Very tiny. I know that I look at it and think, "I certainly have more faith that the size of a mustard seed." But you know what? I really don't think I do.
If I did then I wouldn't stress over setbacks in the budget. We are trying to work our budget plan like the one that Dave Ramsey suggests. He says that there is a "nerd" and a "free spirit" in most all marriages. I will give you two guesses as to which one I am. The "Nerd" is by the books, strict about the budget, watches every penny, etc. The "Free Spirit" spends without really thinking about the budget ("I have to have money in the bank, I still have checks."), probably couldn't tell you where or what they spent money on, etc. I am better than I used to be but I still have my moments. Right now, is one of those times when there are setbacks and yet, well.......
If my faith were really anywhere remotely the size of a mustard seed, I wouldn't stress over little things, I would instead go straight to prayer. Knowing that God is in control, not me (if you know me you have just fallen on the floor in laughter. If you don't know me then let me just say that the words "control freak" are attached to my name frequently.) should be enough for me to automatically lift it in prayer and leave it there. But no....my faith is so tiny that when I lift matters up in prayer, I don't leave them there. I lift them up, take them down, try to fix it, mess it totally up, lift up, take it down, and so on. If I could learn to leave it alone and have faith that God is going to take control and do what He wants with it and not mess with it any more then I think my faith my get a little closer to the mustard seed stage.
I read in the Bible that God says mountains can be moved with the faith of a mustard seed. I want to have mustard seed faith. I desire to have mustard seed faith. I long to have mustard seed faith. Faith of a mustard seed......

Where did the time go?

Thursday night was a momentous night in our family. My oldest niece got married to a guy that I truly believe is the right guy for her. I really didn't get to spend a lot of time with him but what time I did spend, I knew that he was the one that God had chosen just for her. She was definitely not the little girl I have always known but a beautiful young woman. Where did the time go?
I noticed that her sister was no longer a little girl either. I spent the day with her just shopping and eating out like we girls tend to do when we get together. I loved every minute of it. I stepped back and watched her move gracefully around the stores browsing around. People noticed her as well. Several times they would look at her and smile. We went to the GAP store and she tried on an outfit that she had picked out. The clerk took one look at her and said, "She is so a GAP girl!" She was adorable and could have easily stepped right out of a magazine the way she looked. It hit me that this was no longer a little girl but a young lady. Where did the time go?
After these events, I looked at my own kids. Three boys. In my oldest, I saw a young man, still a little awkward about this growing up thing but now showing signs of the man that I believe God is having him become. In my oldest, I see my husband totally and completely but that is a whole nother story. HAHAHA!!!!! In this child, I see some of a little boy in a young man's body. I also see the sense of humor developing more and more. His musical talent is becoming more prevalent. But most of all, he is listening more and more to what God lays on his heart. In my youngest, I see him changing daily. He is at that stage where there are so many changes going on in him, with him, and around him. He is at that time in his life where he doesn't understand all that is happening and it frustrates him to no end. I also see the work that God is doing in his life. Where did the time go?
Most of all what I see are three young men in my home. No more little boys. I miss the rocking chair, the snuggling on the couch, the bedtime stories, the many Lego's, the Hot Wheels, and the thousands of other pieces I managed to find with my bare feet. My babies are no longer babies. My apron strings are getting loosened each day because that is what happens as they grow up. I want them tighter but somehow they loosen up just a bit. Where did the time go?
I have not had the pleasure of one of my boys getting married yet. I can only imagine the feelings that I will have. I will cry not because my babies are leaving me but because they are no longer my babies. I have been and will continue to pray for each of my sons and the women that God has chosen for them. They will be a blessing and a wonderful addition to our family.
Where did all the time go?

I want to be good enough

I am starting this particular blog with a disclaimer. I post my thoughts, feelings, dreams, and ideas here. This is my forum in which I can talk openly and freely. I know that sometimes I am a little depressing or weird in what I say but this is why I have a blog. I try to be positive so that no one is offended. So that being said....
An old friend of mine posted pictures of some people that I had grown up with in Portland. I was glad to see many of them to see how they have changed, their families, etc. I have never felt that I was good enough to hang with the people that I grew up with. Maybe that is part of the reason why I skipped my Junior year so that I could get out of there. I have told people before that I hated high school and really that part is so true but there are sides to everything. Another side is that I was never good enough at anything I did. There are a lot of times now when I feel that this is still true.
For example, I took piano for 9 years with the dream to win in competition someday but it was drilled into me that I was never going to be in that class of playing so I gave it up. I love playing the piano. I love the stories and pictures that are painted in my head when I play. I don't play now because the piano is our living room and no one wants to hear 2-3 hours of practicing over and over until it is perfect.
I guess I overcompensate by being obsessively organized at work, constantly taking on tasks that I really don't want to but in an effort to try to be good enough I do it. I am trailing off for a minute--The last couple of years I have driven myself stupid in an effort to make Teacher of the Year. I keep thinking that if I could achieve this honor then people would think that I really could teach and that I was good enough to be a teacher. (For those who don't know, I did not plan on becoming a teacher in life but a Juvenile Probation officer was my goal) Anyway, I have learned that unless I am retiring or every one's best friend and not making anyone mad throughout the year then I might have a shot at it. It really doesn't matter how well you do your job because in the end, it is all about the popularity. Ughhh! High school all over again. I have grown through this experience though and now I am okay with not having that award. I know that the real recognition is from how the kids do and if the parents are pleased with how their kids do. That is more of a confirmation that anything.
I probably will never get to travel to the foreign places I dream of constantly, I am never going to win the Van Cliburn Award for Piano even secretly that is the one thing I want to do more than anything in life, I will probably never be Teacher of the Year because in my position I make people mad, have them do gobs of paperwork, and I defend the kids I represent until I win, and I will never look glamorous like most of the people I look too in that respect.
I recently told one of my very dear sweet friends, "I yam what I yam. Take me or leave me, your choice."

Interesting Perceptions

My niece is getting married this week. First of all it is hard to believe that she is even old enough to be doing that. I guess I still think of her as a little girl. I know that she is an adult and a woman now and that she is ready for this next stage in her life.
I have been watching how her mom deals with all this and I want to say right now that I hope and pray that I am like her when my boys get to this stage of life. Last night at the table several people jokingly told me that I was going to be mother of the groom--zilla. I laughed with them but in my heart I wondered if that is really how I come across. I was disappointed to think that they would see me like this. I made a vow right then and there that I was going to watch how my sister-in-law handled this and then I was going to try to be more like her.
Unfortunately, I am about as far from being like her as you could imagine. She is calm, quiet, demure, sweet, charming, laid back, relaxed, lady-like, and well, classy. I am chaotic, loud, klutzy, clowns around, control freak, as far from relaxed as you can be, tomboyish, and well, not classy. I really try hard to have the qualities that she has but for some reason when it is all said and done, I am who I am.
When I try super hard to be the quiet, reserved, calm person, people ask me why I am upset or if something is wrong or if I am mad at them. Even Jeff and the boys do that to me. It is perfectly okay for them to not say two words to me in a whole day but if I do that then I get the third degree about there must be something wrong with me.
I have always said that when my boys get married, their wives are going to be spoiled rotten because I never had any girls of my own to do that with. Ask my nieces and some of my friends. I try to spoil their girls every chance I get. That is why I am saddened by the thought that people even jokingly think I am going to be a kind of monster when my kids get married.
I have a long road ahead of me to change their perceptions of me and this wedding is going to be a good test of that. I want what is best for everyone and if that means change then so be it.