I want to be good enough

I am starting this particular blog with a disclaimer. I post my thoughts, feelings, dreams, and ideas here. This is my forum in which I can talk openly and freely. I know that sometimes I am a little depressing or weird in what I say but this is why I have a blog. I try to be positive so that no one is offended. So that being said....
An old friend of mine posted pictures of some people that I had grown up with in Portland. I was glad to see many of them to see how they have changed, their families, etc. I have never felt that I was good enough to hang with the people that I grew up with. Maybe that is part of the reason why I skipped my Junior year so that I could get out of there. I have told people before that I hated high school and really that part is so true but there are sides to everything. Another side is that I was never good enough at anything I did. There are a lot of times now when I feel that this is still true.
For example, I took piano for 9 years with the dream to win in competition someday but it was drilled into me that I was never going to be in that class of playing so I gave it up. I love playing the piano. I love the stories and pictures that are painted in my head when I play. I don't play now because the piano is our living room and no one wants to hear 2-3 hours of practicing over and over until it is perfect.
I guess I overcompensate by being obsessively organized at work, constantly taking on tasks that I really don't want to but in an effort to try to be good enough I do it. I am trailing off for a minute--The last couple of years I have driven myself stupid in an effort to make Teacher of the Year. I keep thinking that if I could achieve this honor then people would think that I really could teach and that I was good enough to be a teacher. (For those who don't know, I did not plan on becoming a teacher in life but a Juvenile Probation officer was my goal) Anyway, I have learned that unless I am retiring or every one's best friend and not making anyone mad throughout the year then I might have a shot at it. It really doesn't matter how well you do your job because in the end, it is all about the popularity. Ughhh! High school all over again. I have grown through this experience though and now I am okay with not having that award. I know that the real recognition is from how the kids do and if the parents are pleased with how their kids do. That is more of a confirmation that anything.
I probably will never get to travel to the foreign places I dream of constantly, I am never going to win the Van Cliburn Award for Piano even secretly that is the one thing I want to do more than anything in life, I will probably never be Teacher of the Year because in my position I make people mad, have them do gobs of paperwork, and I defend the kids I represent until I win, and I will never look glamorous like most of the people I look too in that respect.
I recently told one of my very dear sweet friends, "I yam what I yam. Take me or leave me, your choice."