What I Learned

My sis-in-law (What He's Up To Now) helped me be creative tonight. I now have a more personable blog!! I am so excited!! After having dinner with my dad-in-law and sis-in-law and her family, we did some thank you notes and then changed my blog. I really enjoyed the family time we all shared. It was comforting. Now that I know how to change my blog, look for it to be seasonal and more visually interesting.

Without Him

I have been having some really bad days lately unrelated to family. I will admit it. I am literally praying for God's strength every day to get me through the day. You see I hate conflict and everywhere I turn there seems to be conflict. I get physically ill when I have to deal with conflict. It is something I don't do well with. Thankfully, God has been my rock. He has acknowledged my request everyday. He has pulled me up by the bootstraps and helped me to face each problem with strength and dignity. He has honored my request to help me keep my mouth shut and to keep me busy with things I need to do with my job. When I get home, I have this wonderful man that God provided in my life who wraps his arms around me, holds me, and loves me no matter what.
Today, I melted down over the simplest thing. I had forgotten to activate my debit card. When I went to check out, I used my card and it was denied. Now, I knew that the day before my paycheck had been put into the account and there was money there. I looked at the poor clerk (who happened to be a man) and just started crying. There in Target, was this 43 year old woman crying. He looked around for someone to bale him out. I told him I would be back. I went to the car and even though my husband was at work, I called him. Normally, he would have been less than happy with me calling him on the job because he is busy but today, he took my call and calmly told me what the problem was. I hung up and went to find a wi-fi spot to do what he said and ran up against problem after problem. The people on the phone with me were wonderful and calm. Again I ended up having to call my husband because I was quickly becoming computer illiterate by the second. Again, he calmly walked me through what I needed to do and stayed on the phone with me until I got to where I needed to. He never complained about why I had waited to do this or why I was picking this time to be this incompetent but was sweet, calm, and reassuring. It was what I needed.
I then went back to the store and faced the poor clerk again. He looked warily at me and I smiled and told him I had gotten the problem fixed. He quickly rang up my purchase and then as we finished, he leaned forward and said, "I really hope the rest of your day is brighter." and smiled at me. It was a little bright spot in what had been thunder clouds before. I then called my sister-in-law (Thoughts from the Treadmill) and talked with her. She listened to everything that I had to say (which was a lot) and then went on to reassure me and share with me a similar story that had happened to them. Then she shared with me what was happening with them. I hung up the phone and immediately prayed for them and their family and then I thanked God for each of the people that had been placed in my path that day to help me. The clerk, the people on the phone, my husband, the worker at Chick-Fil-A who watched my computer while I went to the bathroom to throw up, and the lady who smiled at me in the parking lot when I walked into her car as she was backing up.
I am so glad I have God in my life because without Him I couldn't survive. It is just that plain. Without God, I am nothing and I have nothing. Without Him, I wouldn't get out of bed and go to work everyday. Without Him, I wouldn't be. I praise God for all that He has carried me through. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I was reminded that Shadrach, Meschach, and Abendigo (sorry about the spellings) had to endure the fire being the hottest it could ever be before God released them. They survived because of God and I know I will survive because of God.

It's snowing again!!

It is snowing outside once again. I love that! So many people are complaining and griping about the snow and the cold but this is the weather that I am kind of partial to. I love it the snow because it reminds me of a cozy warm blanket. It settles over the land and objects gently. It wraps them up in a soft cocoon. That in turn makes me feel warm and fuzzy. I just want to curl up with a really good book, my blanket, a big cup of cocoa, and enjoy the moment.
I know that it is cold outside and that it takes a bit to warm up but I love to pile tons of blankets on my bed at night and snuggle under them. I just like this weather. I think that instead of being a snowbird and going south for the winter, I would be perfectly happy going north for the winter. I am just strange that way.

"We're Gonna Make It" (another song reference)

"We're gonna make it." (another song reference). I heard one time that there is a song for just about anything you want to say. It's pretty true. I use this particular song because Friday was so hard. It would have been Mom Pipes' 69th birthday. I woke up realizing that and had me a cry. Then knowing I had meetings at school, I pulled my self out of bed by the boot straps and went to work. Because of some things going on there, I was having a no good, very bad, horrible day.
As I picked up my youngest son from the band hall, I asked the usual question, "How was your day today?" Normally, I get "boring" as a response. Today however, he responded, "It was one of the best days ever!" Wow! I asked him why and he told me a couple of things that had happened to him throughout the day. I glanced over at him and he was smiling and just a bright spot that I needed. I told him I loved him and that he was my favorite youngest son. Of course that caused the eyes to roll and I got a "Mom, I am your only youngest son." to which I responded, "That's why your my favorite one!" He laughed. That was a sound I had not heard him do in a while. (Being 13, laughter is not a top ten emotion we see a lot of). It made me smile.
When I think that it is a dark moment, God chooses that time to send down a bright spot to show us that He is still there and that "We're Gonna Make It". He hasn't dumped us. He hasn't abandon us. He hasn't forgotten us. Even though Mom is in heaven and we grieve, God is standing right there with us. I love the bright spots He gives us to show us He is here. I have been reading Psalm lately and well, I can't decide on one particular one to share so from me to you--read the whole book. It will uplift you and give you a bright spot as well because "through the rain and the pain, we're gonna make it after all."

A shared song

"One day at a time sweet Jesus. That's all I'm asking of you. Lord give me the strength to do every day what I have to do. Yesterday's gone, sweet Jesus and tomorrow may never be mine. Lord, help me today, show me the way, one day at a time."
This is the chorus to a gospel song from Christy Lane. I grew up hearing that song all the time. I woke up this morning with that playing through my head. It so applies right now. I thought I would share it with everyone.
I am praying that God gives you the strength to do what you have to do today and every day.

My Mom-In-Law Memories

Well, this week has ended in a most unusual way. On Thursday, February 11, 2010, my mom-in-law was finally freed from the pain and suffering of liver cancer. The finality of it all was saddening but then as the family gathered together, peace settled in because we all knew that she was in heaven with people who had gone before her. It is a comfort to my soul to know that she is happy and free from all the illness. I will greatly miss her because she was so more than a mom-in-law to me. She was a confidant, a mentor, a prayer warrior, a teacher, a listener, and a comforter. She understood exactly what I was saying when no one else did.
I remember one time, I had to go to the emergency room and I called to tell her where I was going. She promptly dropped everything and took me herself. She stayed right by me through the whole thing. When they admitted me, she was right there. That was how she was.
When she retired from the post office, she had her hips replaced. After that surgery, she called to say that she would be keeping my son while I went to work. She had decided that this was what she was suppose to do. As a result, my son was able to skip a whole year of school because of "Grandma's Pre-K Program". She played too many rounds of skip-bo and uno to count because the kids wanted her too. She probably had tons of things she wanted or needed to do but she dropped everything to be with the kids.
Every Sunday for several years, we would join at her house for Sunday lunch and games. We would catch up on the week and what all was going on.
She attended almost every basketball and baseball game that my kids had as well as drama and band performances. She was there for the Induction Ceremonies for NJHS, NHS, and MSAG for each of my kids. She was there for each and every one of my boys' baptisms.
Christmas was such an adventure. She always made sure that everyone had a stocking and that there was always something in the stockings when we got to her house. We rarely had Christmas on Christmas Day but oddly enough, the day we would celebrate Christmas totally and completely felt like Christmas Day.
She always made a big deal out of birthdays and a family celebration was always held. The birthday tablecloth would be brought out and the birthday person would be asked what they wanted to have for their birthday meal. Then she would fix it for them just as they asked. She always made a cake and had it there with the right number of candles. You could tell the card had been chosen with care because it was always from the heart and said just what you needed to hear at that moment.
She never complained or had anything negative to say and always kept a positive attitude about everything. She had such a calming demeanor about her that it calmed everyone around her.
I could keep going on but I will reserve some memories just for me. If you didn't know this lady then I sorry you missed out. If you did know her then you know just what a treasure heaven received this week.

My Family Blessing

I am blessed by the family I have. Not just my husband and my boys but by my in-laws (whom I don't really consider in-laws but more like true brothers and sisters). They have been wonderful to me. They have included me every step of the way through this process we are all going through. My mom-in-law said the other day that she choose her in-law kids well. I think she did a darn good job choosing. We are a unique family (both sides of mine especially) in that all the married people get along with each other. We have always seemed to get along. We tease each other (sometimes mercilessly) and we laugh at each other (honest, we were laughing with you, not at you :D). Our kids all get along and even though there are physical miles as well as age miles difference among them they all have a good relationship and are close.
Today I blogged about feeling like I had to be strong and immediately, two of the family members wrote back to me and told me that I could lean on them. We all grieve in our own way. Those words spoke volumes to me. I hear from people all the time about how horrid their in-laws are or how their family isn't close and I feel really and truly sorry for all that they are missing. I am truly blessed.

My struggle

I have been struggling to stay strong over the past few days. I find myself crying over silly little things at the drop of a hat. I tell myself that I need to stay strong so in the privacy of my bathroom, car, or even the garage, I allow myself little meltdowns over the whole thing going on right now so that when I need to appear strong and pulled together I can. Even now, as I sit here and type this, I find myself crying and trying hard to keep it in. It is so hard.
I met my parents for lunch yesterday and I love my parents but they told me to pull it together and be the adult. They told me that everyone is depending on me to be the strong one. Well, I have news for everyone. I am not the strong one. I am probably the weakest link. I guess for all those that read this blog, I need you to pray for me to be stronger.
I am also asking for prayer for my husband's father. He is tired and worn out but we are discovering that he has some medical issues that none of us knew about. We are investigating that further.
I guess just pray for the whole family as we go through this situation.

My Thoughts on Mom Pipes

Since last Friday, we have been through a whirlwind. Emotional, physical, etc. You see, my wonderful mother-in-law is extremely ill. She has liver cancer. It is something that will not be able to be cured. She has been in the hospital since last Wednesday.
Jerry is a grand lady. She has been there for our family every step of the way. I have had the privilege of knowing her closely for 23 years. She is a strong woman. Someone who has a firm grasp of her faith and beliefs. She has a faith that never wavers. She has a servant's heart. She puts others first and would literally give the clothes off her back if the need arose. She has always made time for the grand kids. She has tried every which way she can to be at every event that my kids have had. She knows her bible like the back of her hand. She will pray without ceasing for any and every need that you ask her to pray for.
Throughout this whole ordeal, I noticed something about Mom Pipes. She has never complained once about the situation she is in. She has been more concerned about the family. She has not had one negative thing to say about anyone or anything. Come to think of it, in the 23 years I have known her, I have never heard her mention a negative thing about anyone. She always has something uplifting or positive to say and if there isn't anything like that to say then she doesn't say anything at all. What an inspiration!
We know our time with Mom Pipes is very limited and it is an emotional time for us all but through that grief, I know (as does the family) that we will see her again in heaven when she is called there. She will go to a place where there is no pain, no cancer, no suffering. She will see family and friends who have gone before her. I don't relish the day this happens but I know that in our grief we will also celebrate for her.
For now, we ask that you keep our family in your prayers. We ask for strength and wisdom and most importantly, time with our wonderful Mom Pipes.