Heart's Desires

As some of you know, having children kind of curtails your wants and desires as a parent. You give up so that they can have. It is just what parents do. I know that I have a lot of wants and very few needs but there is one thing that has burned within me for years now. Yes, years.
I want to go to Africa. Not as a tourist but to go to the orphanages and to play with the children. To share with them something that money can't buy. Some love, attention, and the knowledge that God loves them no matter where they are. No matter what the circumstances are.
I was suppose to go several years ago. Jeff and I had made a deal about me going with a group. As things would go, every emergency known that could go wrong with the finances did and I ended up staying home. I also ended up having gall bladder surgery about the same time that I would have been in Africa. I consider that God's timing.
I was excited the next year because I just knew I was going to get another shot at going. Then Andy got a shot at going to Thailand. I couldn't stand in his way. It was a chance of a lifetime for him. I believe it changed him inside and out for the better.
For the last couple of years I would mention it to Jeff and he would sigh and say, if we had the money then he would let me go but...... As a parent, there is always a but. So, I decided I would go with my in-laws on their mission trips. It wasn't Africa but I knew I needed to go. Once again....life. We sent Will instead. He has such a heart for that and looks forward every year to going. He starts asking in March if there is going to be a mission trip. This year, Jeff announced we would all be going on the mission trip. I was excited. For about 3 days..... Another but had come into our lives. So, this year Will is going on mission trip with his grandparents and without all of us. I get so frustrated but then I realize that my children are heeding the call and I will not stand in the way of God using them. My time will come.
Every time I look at pictures or hear testimonies of people who have gone to Africa, I cry. I cry because my heart just about bursts when I hear about it. My heart pounds and my pulse quickens, I want to stand up and scream, "Send Me! Send Me!" For me that is my desires wanting desperately to be heard. Trust me. God and I have had numerous conversations regarding this. He calms me down and I know in the depths of my heart that one day I am going to get to go. I read a book called, "I Danced in Africa". Actually, I have read it several times. A dear friend gave it to me to read. It speaks so clearly what I feel and what I desire.
I don't think my family understands this burning in my system. I think they just look at it as I want to just sight see and travel. There is so much more to all of this than any of them can imagine. I hope that when I do get the opportunity, they will understand and see what my heart yearns for.
I am waiting for the buts, the emergencies, the frustrations, and the stuff to settle down. I am waiting. As patiently as I can, which if you know me is really hard for me to do because I am not so patient. Some day I will have my heart's desire and some day I will dance and I will sing (more like make a joyful noise) and I will hold those children in Africa. God says He will give us the desires of our heart and I hang on to that every day. I am waiting.