After doing some things that God told me I had to do, I knew that it wouldn't be long before satan attacked. Oh, he was sneaky though. I was prepared all week. Then on Saturday I let my guard down. We had rehearsal for our musical and during that time we prayed for several people. The musical had such a powerful message and I have been humming the songs all week. I got out to my car and that is when it all started. I realized I needed gas and had no money. I scrounged around and God blessed me with enough change to get 2 gallons of gas. I got home to find the boys having attitude. I hadn't bought them lunch so they had to make a sandwich. They were more than a little mad at me and they were being rude, surly, and annoying. I went to my room. I received an email from a friend whose husband had surprised her with a trip for Christmas. All their kids are in college and she and her husband were going to be alone at Christmas so he took her to Colorado. I just sat on my bed and bawled. Then I got mad. Then I got an attitude. Then I cried again.
I realized somewhere through the last crying jag that satan had succeeded in penetrating through and had attacked at my most vulnerable places. I was in the midst of typing a post for my blog and halfway through I realized that it was just a large gripe session in which I was slam dunking all the guys in my house. I deleted it. I did spend some time praying about my attitude and how I felt. I knew that I could not sing or sign in the musical on Sunday with this hanging on me.
I was still a bit tearful when I talked with my best friend this morning and she said a quick prayer for me. As we did the musical "God Speaks" I really listened to the words of the musical and let them wash over me. I am better tonight but I know that satan is not done and that I need to realize that the "bad" things that are happening are not God's doing but satan striking back at what I am doing. Sigh....This constant battle tires you out but is necessary for us to grow to depend totally and completely on God.
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