Deep Thoughts

My deepest thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I feel like I tell too much of my deepest thoughts and feelings and other times I think I glaze over them so as not to acknowledge them.
In the past couple of months, my thoughts and feelings have run up one side and down another. It has literally been a roller coaster for emotions. Right now, I don't even know if I could pin down a specific thought or feeling. I do know that I am a pro at burying stuff. So probably without provication, one day, I will break down, cry for a bit, throw a fit, and then the world will right itself once again and we will move on. Right at this moment though, I am just here.
I do have this overwhelming urge (if I could afford it then I would so do it), to fly myself and my husband's younger sister to see my husband's older sister. I have had this urge for about 2 weeks now. It is just a nagging thing that keeps pushing at the back of my brain. I don't know if it is because I just need to have the three of us together after what has happened. I don't know if it is because I just need to have that closeness that I miss from my mom-in-law being gone.....
(I really miss her. I know everyday is suppose to get better but I will find myself thinking that I need to call her and tell her things. I find myself wanting to talk to her about things I know she would understand. I miss that. I miss the bond.) Sometimes I wonder if my urgency to get a sense of order back in my life (translation-going back to work so soon after the funeral) was not so much the right choice. I don't know.
You wanted to know more, well here it is.....