New Perspective

I love my friends! They always manage to put things into perspective. I had an absolute horrible day on Monday. So much so that I came home and cried like I haven't cried in a while. I had just gotten to a point where the stress and pressure of dealing with a person just got to me and I fell apart. My friend decided at that moment to text me and ask me if I was okay. She had been praying for me and felt like she needed to check on me. After a 30 minute round of texting, she brought the whole situation into perspective and I was able to pull myself up by my bootstraps and move on.
Let's just say that I am more than ready to finish this school year. I am ready for all this to be over. Enough is enough. I love school. I always miss it in the summers because I really enjoy my job. Until this year. This is the first time I can ever remember being so ready for a year to end. It isn't the kids, it isn't my boss, it isn't the district. Sadly, it is two or three people.
Well, my friends and my family helped put everything into perspective and I am hanging on to that every day. I have taken to calling my hubby everyday at lunch just to hear sanity and someone who loves me. I am so glad that he allows me to do that.
I am blessed with friends and family and I know that with that blessing and with God, I will get through anything.

Why can't adults act like adults? Why is it that we (I include myself in this) resort to acting like children? There are times when I look at the adults around me and I wonder how we made it as far as we have in life. I then look around at the examples that we are suppose to be and realize that we are a poor and pitiful excuse for an example. No wonder there is turmoil and strife.
I am so tired (physically, emotionally, and mentally) from dealing with all the drama and garbage that is going on. Enough is enough. It has gone on too long and there has to be an end to it somewhere. I say, why not now?
I will admit that I have not kept my mouth shut when I needed to always but I have really been trying to be nice and good about my attitude and all. I have worked hard to keep my ugly comments to myself. I am not always successful but I am trying.
I am daily praying that God will put His hand on my mouth and one on my shoulder. I need something to keep me in check.
I am glad that we are testing at work the next several days. I will have to be in a room with my kids and no one else. I won't be hearing anything that is going on. I look forward to it really. I am just worn out by all the "stuff". I just cannot continue to deal with it. I just pray and read the bible and talk to God so much of the time that I find myself walking down the hallway talking to him. (There is something for the security cameras to see).
I just want to get through these next few weeks and then I can rest for a bit. It is the time of year when I am ready for summer. Let's hear it for a quickness over the next few weeks and then to a blissful rest period followed by a new beginning. What more can you ask for?

Happy Birthday Will!

Unlike a lot of people I don't have all my kids photos on digital or scanned into the computer. So, that being said, today is my middle son's 16th birthday. I am so proud of him. He has been my child who has sat back and observed the world. He is sensitive, intelligent, funny, and sweet spirited. He does have his moments when those characteristics don't show up but those occasions are getting fewer and fewer.

He is a duplicate of his daddy. He looks like him and acts just like him. He is even sarcastic like his daddy. I have watched him as he sits back and watches the example his older brother set for him. I watched him as he would pray from the heart for others. I watched him stand up for his older and younger brothers more than once.

He has such a sense of humor. He makes me laugh when I am wanting to just yell at him. He knows what makes me laugh so what can I say. I love that he still comes in and lays his head in my lap or on my shoulder. I love that he isn't afraid to tell me that he loves me in front of his friends.

When he was 2, my brother got married. As the bride walked past us down the aisle, he yelled, "Aunt Cona, Aunt Cona!!!" and then took off running down the aisle. Needless to say, we went to the cry room at the back so as not to disturb the rest of the wedding. He wouldn't calm down until he was able to hug her after the ceremony.

When he would get sick, he would want me to rock him. He was my child who wanted to rock all the time. Up until he was 3, he slept with an empty bottle (no lid or anything on it) in his bed. He wanted something to hold that was his security. He was my child that I learned would climb out of his crib and get toys then climb back in the crib. For a long time, his older brother got blamed for throwing toys into the bed with him.

He has always been the one who roots for the underdog. He has always been sensitive of those who weren't included in things or who needed a friend. He was there to be their friend. I have seen him cry as a little boy over the fact that others were treated differently because they weren't like the others.

So, today we celebrate his birthday and I know I look forward to many more of them with him.

My Ranting Soapbox

I usually don't pay attention to the news on the Internet but my hubby told me where there was a decent site to get a more conservative view. I just happened to look at this week and what I saw in the news was appalling, disgusting, and just plain angered me to the point that I wish I had some clout somewhere to change things. I don't but I can make darn sure that my voice is heard.
The first story I read about was that there was a 10 year old girl in Mexico who was pregnant with her stepfather's child. The courts there had denied her an abortion because she was 18 weeks along and they only allow abortions up through the 12th week. It was not about the abortion part that angered me but the fact that this was a 10 YEAR OLD. A child, literally, pregnant. She had been abused for who knows how long and now she had the responsibility of having to give birth. This is not something a child should have to do. She has probably been so abused that she knows nothing different. It sickens my stomach that she has to go through this. Where is the justice? Where is the decency? Is this man so demented that he finds actual pleasure in doing this to her? How many others have been treated like this? How many more have to endure this? What is this world coming to?
The next story I read a couple of days later was about a 12 year old girl who was getting a divorce from her 80 year old husband. It was in the middle east where they have arranged marriages. Her family was mad because they paid her dowry of $23,000 and would not get it back. She was banned from her family because she had humiliated them and caused them embarrassment. How sick is this? I know I shouldn't say that but seriously?!!!!?? Luckily, for her the courts there did find the results in her favor and the law was changed to say that arranged marriages couldn't be done until the girl was 16. The article stated that until now it was not unheard of for girls to be married as early as 9 years old. WHAT???????? This is more than I could stomach.
I knew that the world was getting worse but OH MYLANTA!!!!!
The straw that broke the camel's back for me and prompted me to write is the article that in the USA, there was a "gentleman's club" that had a 14 year old girl dancing there topless. She had been working there for several months and the staff knew that she was as young as she was. The money she brought in was more powerful than the moral issue. It was disgusting to know that there are men who get their kicks from doing who knows what to her and having her do who knows what to them. Not only that in a club like that there are other women and you would think that they would have some sort of conscious that would prompt them to protect her or better yet, get her some help.
How can we sit back and do nothing about these injustices? How can we just calmly say, well it isn't here so there really isn't anything we can do? How can we not want to step up and make a difference? What if these were your children? What if this was happening to you? Are we that desensitize to all this now? Is that what we have gotten to in this world today? When will these idiots doing this be made to stop? Why are our children being allowed to be treated in this matter?
I cried. I cried long and hard for these specific children and then I cried for the other children that I know have suffered this and more and we just haven't heard about it. My tears aren't going to change the world. I know that but maybe these words will be read by someone who will know how to make those changes. I am praying for that.

My Little Italian Wiener

I was in my bedroom today and our miniature dachshund had been let out to go to the bathroom. She scratched to be let in and the boys jumped up to do so. As soon as she got in, they started yelling at her to get back out. I came into the living room asking what the problem was and the smell hit me.
Our outside dogs had brought up a dead skunk and it had been around for a while but Piper picked today to go roll in it. Apparently, she rolled in it so much that it smelled like she had been sprayed fully.
I had to go to the store and get tomato juice. I got home and started bathing her and she promptly jumped out of the tub and ran for the yard. She then rolled around trying to get the tomato juice off her. I grabbed her and put her back in the tub. This happened twice more before I was able to get the boys' attention to come out and help me.
We managed to get her bathed in one can and rinsed and then I had my middle son smell her. He stepped back and said that she still smelled. So we went back to the tub and used another can of juice on her. Finally we were able to get the smell down.
It was not funny then but it seems kind of humorous now. Now she just smells like an Italian wiener. Or a meatball. Whichever you decide.

It was not one of my better days

I did something I am not proud of tonight. I gave into the depressive mood I was in. I had been doing well with it and maintaining it. Unfortunately, I got out of the maintaining mode and decided that I was doing okay. Reality, not really. I felt myself slipping down that road again and try as I might I couldn't pull myself out of it. I hate the thought that I can't keep from going there. I hate the thought that I am so weak that I sink into the depths of sadness and "darkness". I hate when I give in to it all and do the one thing I know I shouldn't...eat.

It is a bad drug for me. Some people turn to cigarettes, some to drugs, some to alcohol. Not me, I turn straight to the fridge, cabinet, and pantry. What is sad is that I don't get a little something. No, I usually get something upsized. Now I feel nauseated and almost wish I could throw up. I can't make myself throw up because I would rather have dental surgery than throw up. So, I will take myself to bed after I take the pepto and wait it out.

Today is one of the days when I wish Mom Pipes was here. She would listen to me and talk me through this. She was my floatation device when I would get in this mode. The one thing I could hear her say was that I needed to pray about it and ask God to help me work through this. Then she would tell me to go to the scripture and God would guide me to where I needed to look. I would get a hug and a pat on the arm then she would offer me a glass of water or something to drink.

So, I will pray about this, get up and study the Word, and drink my glass of tea while pullin' up the boot straps and movin' on.

My Dream and Reality

I had a dream last night that has bothered me all day (considering that I am writing this at 12:01am, it was actually all day yesterday). I dreamed that I arrived at B and J's with my computer slung over one shoulder and my purple book bag slung over the other shoulder. I was wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and heavy duty sandals. I told them that I was ready to go.
I need to stop here and preface this by saying that in reality B and J have a group that goes out and does mission work. They go on several mission trips a year. I was suppose to go on one but it fell through. Since then I have promised myself that I would follow what God has placed in my heart and that is that I will one day rock the babies in Africa.
Anyway, in the dream, I tell them I am ready to go. They both look at me and tell me to go home. It is over and there is nothing they can do. They turn away from me and keep talking to each other. I tell them that I have come prepared and ready and ask that they tell me where to go for the trip. They look at me perplexed and tell me that I am not going. Suddenly their daughter comes up and tells them that the bus is loaded and all are ready. They start walking to the bus and I again ask why I am not allowed to go since they are going. They turn to me and pointedly say, "You are not ready. You cannot go. Go home."
At this point, my alarm goes off. As I went through the day, I figured that because I dreamed about them so vividly, I needed to pray for them. Which I did every chance I got. Then towards the end of the day, it finally hit me. They kept saying that I couldn't go because I wasn't ready. That means that God is still working on me and preparing me for what He wants me to do. (Besides that, I haven't built up the muscles needed to carry that rocking chair with me. HA HA!!!) I ask God to reveal to me where I need to work so that I can be ready to go and immediately, He did.
I have been living with drama from adults for the last eight months. It is getting tiresome. There are a handful of adults who know exactly how to push my buttons and get a reaction from me. Today, they were in form and as a result, I had a little temper meltdown and got madder than a hornet. I wanted to cuss. I wanted to throw things. I wanted to walk over to them and get in their face and tell them what liars they were and then tell them what I really thought. I was so angry, I had to take a couple of laps around to cool off. My friend tried to defuse me by laughing at the situation and trying to make me see how silly they were but I was so mad, I couldn't see it that way. Luckily, I didn't do anything I wanted to. Sadly, some students saw me get mad and storm out. I was acting just as badly as the people doing this had been.
Reality--I am a work in progress and I am far from being ready to go anywhere right now. God knew that I was wanting to go on mission trip again and He spoke volumes to my heart about where I needed to work on so that I would be prepared.
I intended to go back and be professional and just let the problems roll off my back like water on a duck. It is easier said than done but I know if I go in prayerfully then it can be done. I am so glad that God finds ways to speak to me other than the 2x4 up against the head. I am already praying that I learn something from all this and apply it to my situation. I want to be the more mature person here. I do want to be a good example to the children around me and I do want to be ready to go and rock those babies in Africa and dance my way through it all. (That last bit is a reference to the book "I Danced in Africa". Love that book!!).
May you have a blessed and wonderful day and may the problems that come at you, be nothing at all that you and God can't handle.

I Intend To Be Better

It seems that some days are harder than others to blog but it helps so much with getting things off my mind.
I learned today that one of my friends from college had adopted all three of her kids. I never would have known it. The kids look like her and her husband. I was amazed at how God knew to match this family up together. I love that they were able to adopt their kids when they were little. My friend takes everything in stride. The antics that she writes about keep me in stitches and she handles everything with grace and confidence. She knows that she has been blessed and she praises God in everything that she says and does.
I grumble and gripe about my kids and my family when they frustrate me. Maybe I should step back and look at them with a new perspective. Maybe I should find the humor in what has happened instead of the negative. I want my kids to see me as a happy mom not the gripey, complaining, nagging mom. I want them to remember me as smiling and laughing not frowning or mad all the time.
I think that I just need to relax and just step back and look with new eyes at how I deal with my family and even how I deal with everyone. It helps sometimes to hear from someone else on how they deal with everyday issues.

My photos

My hubby and I went walking in the back pasture today. Normally, we walk on a trail that we have laid out on the pasture but today we deviated from the norm. I was intent on making sure I didn't come into contact with nettles and such so I really didn't look up too often. When I did look up, I had to stop and just catch my breath. Not because I am that out of shape but because of the wildflowers and plants all around. It was amazing. Everything is green and blooming. It was this pallet of color and mixture of textures. I really wished I had the good digital camera with long lens and capabilities to capture these images that I was seeing. I took some shots with my little point and click digital camera. I love experimenting with shots and lately I have been trying my hand doing the best I can with my little camera. It is interesting the way the shots turn out. The other day, my sis-in-law commented on one of my photos and paid me the ultimate compliment. She said that one of my photos looked like a Georgia O'Keefe painting. I was tickled to death. That to me is like hittin' the big times. I am trying to get really good at this and then I am hoping that one day, I can get them published. That would be the greatest thing ever.

I stick my tongue out

I guess it was to be expected. I went to a conference but what did I blog and facebook about? My fun times. There are people out there that doubt that I attended the conference that I said I was going to. I know that on facebook, I post pictures of speakers, lunch, etc. I also have pictures of some of the power point presentations. About the only way to get those is to actually be there. I did attend the conference I said I was going to.
You see, I have this nasty little annoying habit. I take notes. I learned a long time ago to take notes so that I don't lose sight of what I am focusing on. It doesn't matter whether there is a power point, book full of notes, whatever. I still take notes. I have two books with notes in them from this conference. I learned a lot. I saw a fantastic classroom situation that I want to incorporate a lot of things into a classroom the next time I have one.
Ask my hubby, he dropped me off every day at the conference site and then picked me up later in the day. Still not convinced? Ask the principal from Abilene, the teacher from Witchita Falls, the two speakers I sat across from, the cirriculum director from Callahan, I could keep going. Then there are the two authors/speakers who signed books that I bought from them. The receipt from the book stores.
I know I had a great time in the late afternoons and evenings but trust me, I did attend the conference during the day. So in the most mature way I know how, I stick my tongue out at those people who think they know everything and that their version of the truth is gospel. They don't know squat. So there.
If this blog post is offensive then I am really sorry but I have to speak up and say what is on my mind. So there. Yes, I am still sticking my tongue out.

The Road Home

Well, all good things must come to an end. Our time in Corpus did just that. We got up, had breakfast, packed up, and hit the road. We drove down Ocean Drive one more time before leaving town. As we always do, we left a completely different way than we came in. We came down the Interstate coming in and so today we went home through the little towns that I used to drive through when I would go back and forth to college.
I had intended to take a picture of each town as we went through it but I was too busy looking to see what had changed and what hadn't that I forgot. I did want to take a picture of the building that I was born in. At one time it was a hospital, a welfare office, a run down shell, and well, now I don't know if it is still there because they had built a loop around the town where it was.
A lot of the towns had not changed much at all. Some had changed a lot. One of the places I did have my hubby stop was the little church in Cestahowa. It was just a special place for me. There was no real reason behind it except that it just brought me a moment of peace when things were so upside down in my life at that time. Today, I felt that same peace even though things are fine in my life. Today was also the first time I had gotten to go into it. It was beautiful inside. I don't think my wildest dreams could have thought of what the inside looked like. It is a Catholic Church so you can imagine the adornments inside.
We drove on and met up with my parents for lunch in San Marcos. I told them about all the places we had been and looked at in Corpus. They listened (kind of like my hubby did the other day). We left there and went on up to Belton. There we met up with our oldest and our girlie girl. They both looked tired but seemed to be happy about how their weekend went. We bought them dinner and then went on our way. We finally made it home, 8 1/2 hours after we set out from Corpus. We did have to stop and pick up some minor groceries before getting home.
I think that our middle son missed us because he called us three times before we got home. Our youngest son went to bed when he got home from the weekend and as I am writing this now, he is still asleep. He must have missed his bed alot.
As much as I enjoyed our vacation away, it is good to be home, back with my kids, back in my comfort zone, back where everyone knows my name, and where I really and truly belong. Traveling is good but home is better. I hope you have enjoyed our trip with us as much as we have.

Corpus Christi Day 3

Well, I finished up with my conference this morning. It was okay but I was more impressed with the first two days than today. Today was what someone termed, "Speed Dating for RTI" The sessions were 45 minutes long and the presenters were talking so fast and going through their presentations that they lost me several times. I was really kind of glad when it was over today.
I decided that since I had the car this morning that I would do something I had never done in my life. I drove through Corpus. You would think I had done this in my life. Actually, my only experience had been my final driving test over the Harbor Bridge with my driving coach. I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was very similar to driving in Burleson.
I finally got back to the hotel and changed clothes and my hubby and I headed out. We had lunch at Jason's Deli (yum!) and then went to Padre Island. We stopped off at Bob Hall Pier and attempted to go on the pier but it costs money now. We left there and drove past Mustang Island. We eventually ended up at Port Aransas. My hubby found a part of the beach that was uncrowded and quite nice. We parked and took off our shoes. We walked up and down the beach through the tide that was coming in and picked up some small shells that we found. It was hard to find a lot since the tide was coming in. My hubby did find me a part of a sand dollar which I treasure.
We left there and rode the ferry across to Aransas Pass. From there we went to Ingelside and then on to Gregory. My grandparents had lived there for many years and it was sad to see their house was no longer the way I remember it. I almost cried. We drove on down to the church and I took some pictures.
We left Gregory and drove on the Whataburger Field to try to catch the double header game. We got there in time to get rain check tickets in pretty decent seats and a giveaway ball hat for each of us. The first game went off without a hitch and we had fun interacting with them through it. The second game started with rain...again. We spent half that game standing under the awning watching them play. They had to finish the series with this team so they played through the rain. We were both cold so we headed back to the hotel. There we took showers to wash off the sand and grit from the day and relax watching Food Network.
Tomorrow we head back to Maypearl, our jobs, messy house, and my guys (I really miss them.) Adventures are good but home is best. Thanks for going with us on this trip.

Corpus Christi Day 2

Most of today was spent at the conference. I have to admit that it is more enjoyable that I thought it would be. We had several good speakers and another delicious lunch. I saw a dual language school in action today and was so impressed with the classrooms and the interactions between the students and the teachers. It makes me want to go back into the classroom and be like these teachers. It was inspiring. I then attended a session in the afternoon that was actually one of my lower choices. It turned out to be the best choice. The speaker there gave book title after book title of books to read to the class, use, etc. She also had some fantastic ideas for teaching in the classroom and keeping kids from getting bored with the same old stuff. She was an outside the box thinker. I love that!
After I finished with my sessions, I came back to the hotel and shared all I had learned with my hubby. He patiently listened (I had texted him earlier and warned him that this would be the case) while I told him everything all at once. I then changed clothes and we headed out.
Our first stop was a small but nice wildlife preserve park in the city. It had a boardwalk trail out to the bay to see birds and such. Then we followed the trail and made the loop. It was a 3/4 mile hike. After sitting in classes and in a car for several days, my legs complained about the walking.
We stopped after that on the sea wall and walked down it a bit, stopping to take pictures here and there. We turned around and went back to the car after spotting the homeless people getting a little agitated that we were so close to them and their "spot" for the night.
From there, we went to our destination for the night, Whataburger Field. We were so excited to be going to the baseball game. We got our tickets, found our seats, strolled for a bit, then bought ourselves a Whataburger and drink. We made our way back to our seats and settled in for all of about 5 minutes. The rain started falling and our burgers were getting soggy. We made our way back up to the covered area and sat up against the wall. The rain came down. We people watched and finished our meal. We laughed at the mascots and their antics then we walked around. We just knew that the rain would stop and they would play ball. An hour after the game was suppose to have started they cleared the field and started prepping for the game. We went down to our seats and settled in. They announced that the game would start 30 minutes later. That 30 minutes came and went. The coaches and umpires doodled around on the field and finally it was decided that there was too much standing water to play. So they announced that the game on Saturday would be a double header and our tickets would be good for both games. We probably won't get the same great seats but still. They did give us the fireworks show and it was a good one.
We left and came back to the hotel, took a shower, and relaxed. By that I mean, I got on facebook and blogged my day and pictures and my hubby rolled over and started snoring.
Another full but really great day!!!

Corpus Christi Day 1

I think I said in an earlier post that I wasn't sure how much I would blog. Yesterday we traveled down to Corpus Christi and had a good trip. We checked into our hotel and then prowled around Corpus. We went to TAMUCC where the conference was going to be held and got the layout of the place and parking situation. From there we tootled around and I was amazed at the changes that had taken place. It has only been 20 years since I was here last. We ate dinner at Pizza Hut and then went back to the hotel. We were in bed with the lights out by 930pm.
Today, I attended the first part of my conference. The meal they served today was Cuban. We had pork roast, yellow rice, black beans, fried plantains, salad, and peach cobbler. It was all good. The conference was really informative and I was able to meet some new people. I felt completely out of my league for most of the day. I was one of about 10 people who didn't have my PhD or Master's. Several comments were made about classroom teachers and I just sat there and kept quiet. Most of the people there were from out of state. It was quite interesting.
My hubby picked me up and we ventured over to Portland (my hometown). We stopped by and saw my second mom and visited with her for a bit. Then I took my hubby on a tour of my old homes. It was sad to see the houses in disarray and bad shape. The one house I spend the most years in, was in the worst shape. It was sad, sad, sad. I was amazed that there was a Walmart, Chili's, etc. that had now been added to the town. There are so many houses now that there is no real distinction between Gregory and Portland.
From there we went to the Texas State Aquarium. It was a nice surprise from my hubby. We were there until it closed. We meandered back into Corpus and eventually got to Catfish Charlie's. It is the one place that still looks the same inside and out down to the tablecloths. It was like really coming home. The food tasted as good as I remembered. We stuffed our faces full of shrimp, oysters, catfish, and hush puppies.
From there we went back to the hotel and vegetated the rest of the evening. It was an amazingly good day.

My Trip Prep

Today I am getting ready for a trip. I mentioned it in an earlier post. I am now to the excited point. Not so much because I get to go to a conference but because I get to go with my hubby on what I call a 5 day vacation. We took a mini vacation last year and it was over a weekend. This time we are going to be gone for 5 days. Thanks to Grandpa for watch the younger two boys and getting them to school. The weekend was made easier because D-Now is happening. The oldest is coming home to help with D-Now so he will be in charge of getting the younger two where they need to go.
I haven't even begun to pack yet and the house was still upside down when I left for work this morning. Since my middle son and hubby were going to the ear doctor today, I left a honey do list for them. (By The Way--The middle son had a great report from the Dr. He is hearing better and the fluid seems to be going away.) I hope that by the time I get home, the honey do list will be done and I will just have some minor things to do.
I now understand why my mom was such a fanatic about having the house clean when we would leave on trips. I have found myself doing the same thing. It is so much nicer to come home to a clean house than to the mess that you left.
I don't know how much I will blog while we are gone but I will try to make an effort. At the very least, I will try to post pictures. Several people at work have asked me to bring back bottles of sand for them so they can feel like they are at the beach with me. Glad I am not flying home with all the bottles I am suppose to bring back. :D

Dinner Disaster

I made a mistake in making dinner tonight. I decided to make Granny Goulash and I have made this dish thousands of times. I cooked the meat and went to add the seasoning. Now at this point, I would add chili powder. I reached into the spice cabinet and grabbed what I thought was chili powder. I finished cooking the meat and other ingredients and called out that supper was ready. I got myself a bowl of goulash. I took a bite and made the comment that it was some spicy chili powder. My husband took a bite and immediately coughed and asked if I had really used chili powder. I said yes and went to the cabinet to prove it. Unfortunately, I realized when I opened the cabinet that it was cayenne pepper. I didn't put just a little bit but I put quite a bit thinking it was chili powder. It was so hot and spicy that even the bit that we choked down was so bad that we didn't even finish. Luckily, my husband had left overs from Arby's that he was able to eat. The kids never eat this dish so they scrounged other things.
In the end, I set the leftovers of this mess out for the dogs. Chico started eating it immediately but then suddenly took a step back, shook his head, and looked up at me. It was almost accusatory. He started back to eating it and would stop and shake his head ever so often.
I have made a mess of some dishes but this turned out to be a doozie of one. Luckily for me, there was a backup to fall on to. Tomorrow, I think I will try to make something successful. HAHA!!

Returning back to the place I grew up

Well, this is going to be an interesting week. I am returning to the place I grew up for a 5 day conference. I have to admit that I am somewhat nervous. I have not been there in over 20 years. So why would I be nervous? I happen to know that several people I grew up with still live there. The old feelings of inadequacy have come rushing back. One thing that I will hold my head up high about is that I have been married for 21 years to the same guy. I haven't been divorced, separated, or cheated. I have 3 smart boys and we are still happy. (I may gripe about my family from time to time but overall we are happy.) So why should I be nervous? I think I am actually a successful person overall. I have a good job that I like and I am pretty decent at what I do.
I never felt good enough in school compared to all these people. Now after all this time I still see them as the cheerleaders, prom queens, valedictorians, best singer, best actress/actor. I still see them as they were in high school. Skinny, beautiful, with all the bells and whistles. I still compare them to what they were 25 years ago. Guess what. They are not the same people as they were then. I am not the same person I was then. (Thank goodness!)
So in the famous words of my husband--I need to get over this. I need to hold my head up high and be proud of who I have become and who I am now. So take that.

My Frustration

Okay, I am trying to blog today yet everything I have started writing about is a gripe or a complaint about the guys in my house. I know I annoy them to the innth degree but I am one and they are totaling three. I am trying to be understanding in that they don't have a long attention span so that I can talk to them. I am trying to be understanding that two of them are going through puberty at varying stages. I am trying to be understanding that they want to watch racing, action movies, or shows instead of something sweet and romantic. I am trying to be understanding that what I have to say is not as important to them as it is to me. But seriously? I think my understanding has run out today.
I know that my patience is very low today but I just don't think I can be that understanding anymore today. I just want to run out of the room screaming at the top of my lungs and then sit down and have a good long cry. A lot of good that would do. They wouldn't even notice and if they did they wouldn't understand it.
I guess I did end up griping and complaining about the guys anyway just not as viciously as I started to but at this moment I am tired of being understanding and patient with it all.

Happy Birthday to two sweeties

I have the pleasure of having a niece and a nephew celebrating their birthdays April 7th. I will not forget when Little D was born. I was at a baby shower for a friend and suddenly had this overwhelming urge to go see my brother and sister-in-law. When we got there, D was all over the place and Cona was a little distracted because she was having contractions. Once we got to the hospital, the staff there kept her a while and then decided to send her home but about the time they did that her water broke and the event began. Unfortunately, Little D didn't make his appearance until the next day. I remember filming family members for D and Cona and I think at one point I put the camera down and filmed myself talking to Little D. He is a sweet boy and is no longer a baby. I can't believe how fast time has gone by.
My littlest niece was born a year ago. I remember waiting at school for the message that she had arrived into the world. I wanted so badly to be there when she was born but as luck would have it, I was unable to do so. Once the call came, I was so exicted to be able to finally see her. Her mama was having a little problem with blood pressure (I think) and so we stood in the hall and waited for 30 minutes or so. When we finally got to go in, I remember thinking that she was really cute. I wanted to hold her and cuddle her immediately. I felt honored when her daddy handed her to me while he helped her mama. Baby B. (I refer to her by the name I always call her.) snuggled into my arms and settled in. I was so content. I could have held her for hours but her daddy's family arrived and they were itching to hold her as well. We didn't stay long that night but since then I have had the privilege of rocking her, cuddling with her, and feeding her. She always has a beautiful, heart melting smile. I can already tell that she is going to be one that I will have a hard time saying "no" to. Wow, a year! Can you believe it?
I am not sure that there will be anymore nieces and nephews. I always encourage my sis-in-laws to branch out a little more but that idea hasn't met with great reviews. :D I love having so many nieces and nephews to play with, spoil, and hug and kiss. Of course, that's just the kind of aunt I am.
Happy Birthday Little D and Baby B.!!!!

"My Kids"

My school kids are precious to me. After working with them for several hours a day, I feel that I have a right to call them "my kids". I have seen the good, the bad, the ugly, and through it all, I love them. These kids touch my heart every day. They have a desire to learn and a desire to please everyone and anyone. They give their all. These kids are a blessing and gift. These kids make me laugh, my world seem brighter, and worth going to work. In case, you didn't read the beginning of this, I love "my kids".

My Thoughts on the dreaded test

Tomorrow is the first of the TAKS test for our kids. I am nervous for them. I know they will do well but there is always the anxiety of the unknown. Will they have taken their medicine, had a good night's sleep, eaten dinner the night before as well as breakfast that morning? Will someone antagonize them before they get to school and rile their temper? Will they fight with their parents, siblings, best friends, or just anyone? Will they remember to use their strategies? Will they use the charts that are available for them? Will they remember how to use the charts? Will those that need to make their own charts? Will they remember their name????? All these factors can blow their test out of the water. I am praying for each and everyone of my babies I work with. (Yes, I call them my babies. I am with them a large part of the day so I feel I can). I am also praying for all the other kids. We will test for the next 2 days and for some there will be a 3rd day. This will exhaust us all.
I know that this test is important to show growth in the kids but I really wish the state would find another way to see if the kids have been learning. If they are truly trying to test the kids on knowledge then please let me help you design something that will do this. This test causes good teachers to second guess themselves, stress until they are physically ill, and gray hair. Not to mention the kids. They also stress until they cry, throw up, or second guess their abilities. Is this really the intent of the test?
I certainly hope not but until someone with more authority than me can come up with something valid and equitable, we will continue with this test. If you think about, once you read this then please pray for kids across the state over the next 2 days.

Our Basic Anniversary Celebration

Well, it seems like forever (both my hubby and I say that). 21 years. Half my life. The good, the bad, the wonderful, the ugly. We continue to survive and work our way through this adventure. Apparently, we are a rare breed. We aren't divorced, haven't separated, had affairs, or such. We have been content with just the two of us. (The boys are a bonus!) One of the boys once told us that their friends like coming here because it was like being with a real family. When asked what was meant by that, they responded that we fuss and argue in front of the kids, no one packs up and leaves, and after a bit we are snuggling on the couch again. That is what you call, love.
To celebrate this wonderful day, I went to work and my hubby took the dog to the vet to get fixed. Then once I came home, we changed clothes and went out to dinner. My hubby asked me where I wanted to go and I struggled with the decision and finally told him that I really just wanted something simple. So we drove over to Rosa's Mexican Cafe and ate fajitas. Then we went to Home Depot and walked through the store just looking at different things. We stopped along the way and bought milk and then once home just relaxed watching television. We realized we are boring. But boring is good. It really is us. I enjoyed my self and was perfectly happy.
I am ready to face the next 21+ years with my hubby. I know that there will be ups and downs, happy, sad, boring, excited, and an occasional mad but we will survive it all.