I had a dream last night that has bothered me all day (considering that I am writing this at 12:01am, it was actually all day yesterday). I dreamed that I arrived at B and J's with my computer slung over one shoulder and my purple book bag slung over the other shoulder. I was wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and heavy duty sandals. I told them that I was ready to go.
I need to stop here and preface this by saying that in reality B and J have a group that goes out and does mission work. They go on several mission trips a year. I was suppose to go on one but it fell through. Since then I have promised myself that I would follow what God has placed in my heart and that is that I will one day rock the babies in Africa.
Anyway, in the dream, I tell them I am ready to go. They both look at me and tell me to go home. It is over and there is nothing they can do. They turn away from me and keep talking to each other. I tell them that I have come prepared and ready and ask that they tell me where to go for the trip. They look at me perplexed and tell me that I am not going. Suddenly their daughter comes up and tells them that the bus is loaded and all are ready. They start walking to the bus and I again ask why I am not allowed to go since they are going. They turn to me and pointedly say, "You are not ready. You cannot go. Go home."
At this point, my alarm goes off. As I went through the day, I figured that because I dreamed about them so vividly, I needed to pray for them. Which I did every chance I got. Then towards the end of the day, it finally hit me. They kept saying that I couldn't go because I wasn't ready. That means that God is still working on me and preparing me for what He wants me to do. (Besides that, I haven't built up the muscles needed to carry that rocking chair with me. HA HA!!!) I ask God to reveal to me where I need to work so that I can be ready to go and immediately, He did.
I have been living with drama from adults for the last eight months. It is getting tiresome. There are a handful of adults who know exactly how to push my buttons and get a reaction from me. Today, they were in form and as a result, I had a little temper meltdown and got madder than a hornet. I wanted to cuss. I wanted to throw things. I wanted to walk over to them and get in their face and tell them what liars they were and then tell them what I really thought. I was so angry, I had to take a couple of laps around to cool off. My friend tried to defuse me by laughing at the situation and trying to make me see how silly they were but I was so mad, I couldn't see it that way. Luckily, I didn't do anything I wanted to. Sadly, some students saw me get mad and storm out. I was acting just as badly as the people doing this had been.
Reality--I am a work in progress and I am far from being ready to go anywhere right now. God knew that I was wanting to go on mission trip again and He spoke volumes to my heart about where I needed to work on so that I would be prepared.
I intended to go back and be professional and just let the problems roll off my back like water on a duck. It is easier said than done but I know if I go in prayerfully then it can be done. I am so glad that God finds ways to speak to me other than the 2x4 up against the head. I am already praying that I learn something from all this and apply it to my situation. I want to be the more mature person here. I do want to be a good example to the children around me and I do want to be ready to go and rock those babies in Africa and dance my way through it all. (That last bit is a reference to the book "I Danced in Africa". Love that book!!).
May you have a blessed and wonderful day and may the problems that come at you, be nothing at all that you and God can't handle.
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